Lasso of Truth

A Dress

Since I've been on the subject, I thought I'd tell another story that concerns the desires of the heart. 

Of course, this story also starts with a shopping trip.  I went to a nearby outlet mall to get winter gear for Emma for the following year.  We didn't have money to spare, so I promised Donnie that I would stick to the plan and only buy for next winter. 

But when are coats on clearance?  In early Spring.  When the weather is warming, you are sick of coats and mittens, and all the new pretty, lightweight styles are going back on the racks.  And as temptation would have it, I saw the perfect new (full price) spring dress for Emma as soon as I entered the store.  I wish I had a picture of this dress so you could see how perfect it was.  It was delicate, and ruffly, with just the right combination of pink and green.  And it had a cardigan to go with it.

As you might know, I've dabbled in designing kids' clothing, so this kind of thing can get me really excited.  I WANTED this dress.  But I knew I had to stick to my plan, so I whipped out my camera phone to take a picture of it.  If I couldn't buy it, maybe I could do a descent job of making one like it.  I gathered all the boring winter items I needed.  (Actually they were cute, and I only spent about $25 on everything--including the winter coat that she wore for two years). And I left the store, wishing for just a second that I'd chosen a more lucrative career path than stay-at-home mom.  Or that Donnie had stayed at that sell-out bank job for just a few more months...

I put the dress out of my mind.  I couldn't even afford the fabric to try and make one right then, so I planned on making it a summer project. 

A couple days later my mother-in-law sent us a care package from Texas.  Our relatives are very good at reminding us of their love.  I've tried to keep up with them, but they put me to shame.  Anyway, I opened up the box, and it was full of clothes for Emma.  New, pretty, light springy clothes.  I felt so loved, so well-provided for.  But here's the kicker:

The dress was in the box. 

I had never told anyone about my experience in the store.  I had taken the picture on my phone, but I had never shown it to anyone.  Not even Donnie, and especially not Jeani.  The only person besides me who knew about it was God.   

I heard someone on the radio yesterday say that God takes care of our needs, but our wants are up to us.  Hmm.  I have to say that mhy personal experiences prove otherwise.  Imagine the relationship that you have with a close loved one.  When you know someone, and love them deeply, you want to provide for their every need, yes.  But if that relationship is truly intimate, it is the little, subtle reassurances of affection that mean the most.  That's what this was between me and my creator--the Lover of my soul.

After reading my last post about heart's desires, I got an email from a new internet friend (hi, Susan!) that reminded me that when you are close to God, and following His Will, that many times our desires change to please Him.  She is so right, and at first I thought this meant that my desires for the bedspread and the dress were selfish and petty...and why would God want to give me those things?  They weren't needs.  I thought and prayed about this for a few days, and God revealed something to me. 

The dress and the bedspread were merely symptoms.  The real object of my affection in each of these situations was God.  The desire of my heart that he granted me was closeness to Him.  To my Bridegroom.  He gave me these small tokens to remind me of Himself.  Like a whisper in my ear, "I know you. I love you.  I know your every thought, hope, and dream, and I want My best for your life.  Remember that."

These tokens that he presented to me were not rewards.  I kinda thought they were at first, but that put the spotlight on me and my own goodness, and I knew that wasn't right.  Instead they were like a cosmic post-it note to my soul.  A message on the mirror to remind and encourage me.  I'm going to keep acknowledging these occurrences.  It's my way of putting that love note in a scrapbook and showing it to you.

I feel like this subject has gone full-circle now, and that I can now move on to something else.  Thanks for working through this with me.      

A Bedspread

I have told this story a couple times recently, and I really think it's time to get it out in the open.  I have often been encouraged by Psalm 37:4 which states, "Delight yourse lf in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  I love this verse!  It is sometimes mis-interpreted to mean that God is our Genie, waiting to to grant our every wish.  But that is not quite right.  The integral part of the verse is the first half..."Delight your self in the Lord ..."  To       I have these two real-life illustrations:

#1 The Bedspread.
When we first moved to our new home, the parsonage, we decided to celebrate by buying a new king-sized bed.  This was much-needed after spending an entire gestation period radiating in a double!  Well, we had the money for the bed, the frame, and the sheets, but the covers would have to wait.  We had a price in mind...about $60, so I began haunting the local discount stores. 
I found a few that I loved, but they were always out of our price range.  Until one day, when I found a really great one.  It was a cream matelasse coverlet that was just a little over-budget.  I decided to sleep on it, talk it over with Donnie, and come back for it in the morning.   I did go back for it.  And wouldn't you know it--it was gone--less than 18 hours later!  I was disheartened.  And I felt silly for being upset over it.  It was just a bedspread after all, but I'd been looking at that bare bed everyday for the past three months.  So I continued the search. 
I knew it would be stupid to get something I didn't like just to hold us over.  And I knew that going outside of our budget was wrong too.   I prayed about it every time I stepped foot in one of the stores.  God, help me find something I can live with, that Donnie will like, and that will not break the bank!  And then one day, there it was.  I walked over to the clearance items and saw one of the sets I had admired in the early days of the search.  It was a beautiful, mocha, quilted satin.  Gorgeous.  It even had matching shams and dust ruffle.  I flipped over the package, praying all the while, and looked for the red sticker.  I had been sure that someone had dropped this onto the wrong shelf, but there it was.  $65.  There was no thinking this one over.  I took that baby right home, and had it on the bed by lunch time.

This is the lesson that I took from this seemingly non-important event:  God wants what is best for us.  He wants us to follow his will, and delight ourselves in Him.  He knows us--our thoughts, dreams, desires, tastes--even without us telling Him what they are.  He has promised to provide for our needs, but there is more.  "If we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts."  This goes beyond need.  This is a deeply personal, intimate exchange between a human being and her creator.  I hadn't told anyone about the more expensive  bed cover.  I knew it was more than I could spend, and I wanted to remain a good steward of what I'd been given.  I wasn't just out to save a buck.  Staying within this boundary was wrapped up in being submissive to my husband, trusting God, practicing contentment, and even my prayer life.  And when I finally found the perfect cover for my bed, I knew it was a gift from God.  A desire of my heart.  It was like he said to me, "Anna, I know this has been hard on you.  I saw your heart the first time you saw this, and I saw the restraint it took to let it go, to depend on Me.  This is my gift to you."
It might seem silly for all of this emotion to come from linens.  But that's not the key.  Too often women are told, "If you want something in life, you have to make it happen."  But for the Christian, that is the opposite of Truth.  Nothing we have is our own doing.  Everything is a provision, a gift from God.  And when we realize this, our relationship with Him can only grow stronger.