Emma got new glasses this week.
Doesn't she look grown up? It makes my heart ache a little. A friend of mine asked recently if I feel different about Ethan growing up vs how I feel about Emma. After thinking this over, I realized that I do. Seeing Emma grow up makes me sad. I miss her baby self, her toddler self, and her little girl self. I miss them so much that I almost resist looking at old pictures and home movies. I want to hold that baby again. I want to chase that new walking toddler around and make her squeal and giggle. But when I look at my big girl--my turning seven years old in a matter of days big girl--I don't feel the panic that I feel when I think of Ethan growing up. I feel proud. I feel excited.
At first the difference between how I feel about my kids brought me guilt. Does this mean I love Ethan more? Am I showing favoritism in some way? But after thinking it out for a couple of days, I realized what it was that made me feel this way. I already know what it's like to have an adult mother-daughter relationship, because I have a great one with my mom. I look forward to sharing the teenage, young adult, new wife, new mom times with Emma as she goes through them someday, because I look back fondly (mostly!) on those shared memories with my own mom.
I do not know what it feels like to have an adult mother-son relationship. All I know is what I have now with Ethan, and each little shift in our ever-changing roles takes a little getting used to. It's not favoritism at all, obviously. It's fear of the unknown. And I'm taking each step toward his adulthood with trembling baby steps. So, to my friend who was wondering, yes! I do feel differently about the two big kids. But no matter how I feel--excited or terrified--it's going to happen. They are going to grow up, leave home, and need me less. All I can do is pray that I meet those changes with grace, and savor the moments, milestones, and memories while I have them to hold onto.
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Before I end this sappy post, I just have to share the awesome website where we got Emma's glasses. It's called Zenni Optical, and they are the perfect place to get glasses for kids--and adults for that matter. The frames, lenses, and delivery cost less than $15 TOTAL!! We are very pleased. The prescription seems to be right, the fit is great for a kid, and at this price we can afford to replace them immediately when (not if) they break. We were able to upload a picture of her face, type in the distance between her pupils, and virtually try on different lens shapes and sizes.
I just had to share this awesome find so that others could get some cheap glasses. I know this sounds like an advertisement, but I'm not being paid by the company in any way. I just thought you'd like to know what a great experience we had.
